Thursday, February 4, 2021


I'm taking a short break from the Klunker on account of major part failures. The idea to continue to low buck it for dirt bag cred and potential future sale means I need to actively track down some functional but cheap bmx cranks. It has been a whole thing already, so I'm sick of it. Imagine that?

In other important news around the Shred Shed, I traded Ol' Trouble to my nephew for his 1st gen Surly 1x1. This leaves me needing some sort of tricked out silly bike. I was getting worried about consuming dooks (and the resulting permanent injuries to my aging body), so it was probably the best to go a little less hard. I guess they built a little dirt jump track in the town little dude lives in, and so he's been riding that a lot. I'd be stoked if I was 14 years old and that was my bike, and he definitely bounces better than I do these days!

I'm not gonna go into a whole rant or history of observed trials, street trials, or whatever. I dig the strategic and technical challenges of trials riding, and back to the getting old thing, I'm not planning on hammering 10 foot acid drops or nothin'. Here is a video. They make street trials bikes these days as well, which look similar to a bmx bike with front and rear brakes. The whole sport and style is very uhh... European, if you know what I'm saying. I hope you do, cause I don't. But really, it is a more British and Euro-centric style of riding, so a lot of these parts I had to order from overseas. Tarty Bikes is where it's at, they have tons of cool shit and I generally get stuff next day. It's crazy how fast I get parts from England. Whoever packed my last order also clearly saw all my green parts and tossed in some matching Jitsie stickers. Big thanks, it's the little stuff!

This frame has been kicking around in my world for around 5 years at this point. I had it complete once before, but immediately mashed together the drivetrain and busted everything on the first ride. The frame is an Onza Limey 3 Team model. Currently the only steed in my collection not made of Crom's finest - steel is real, bitches. Still, it is a beautiful piece of hydroformed aluminum (or aluminium considering this shit is from Jolly Old England - pip pip cheerio). It uses traditional track style dropouts and is spaced at 135mm, and both of those were major considerations when I picked this frame. The geometry is fairly mild by today's standards as well. Aside from obviously not sitting, these bikes are super weird and uncomfortable to ride if you aren't used to it.

But get ready for the reoccurring topic of busted shit and thrashing out expensive parts. I say that because in one way it's like "yeah buddy, I did that," but in another way, that was probably at least a hunnert bones straight into the scrap bin. Someone once said not to buy dedicated trials parts, the ol' maxim "cheap, light, strong - pick two" doesn't apply. I can attest to that.

I'd like to think I've made great strides in bicycle mechanic-ing since I last threw this thing together, and here is to hoping this build will take the abuse.

Remember how I said I mashed a bunch of parts up immediately upon my first ride? I had to replace everything from the trials specific drivetrain aside from the bottom bracket*. Trials shit did not impress me, I even used the caged pedals on another build (I really like old school beartraps), and I split the axle on one. Trash. 

I just wanted to show these off.

I initially set it up with some pretty Raceface XC cranks, but I found a set of Truvativ Hasslehoff (what a stupid name) cranks to swap them out. I would destroy those RF mighty quick, and they are in great condition. They need to go on a sick steel singlespeed. Hint. Those Spank pedals are rockin', and I've found that overly machined platform pedals get wrecked quick with technical riding.

* I guess the bash is pretty trials specific as well. Super strange technical trials things: The BB shell is 68mm. The spindle length is 128mm. ISIS splined. If the spindle length was skinnier the 22t granny chainring would interfere with the frame. A regular bash could be used, but it looks funny and I keep my builds tight.

At some point I laced up a set of Chris King hubs with Onza Hogs trials rims. This was actually for the old Surly, and I was going to try to ride trials on a standard steel mountain bike frame. I don't think my mechanic skills were up to the challenge at that point, and I'm not gonna lie, I'm lucky I didn't fuck up a lot of other stuff with that project! I think that whole scheme happened a year or two before I got this frame, and those wheels treated me well on my faithful old steed, but it was time for them to find their special purpose.

Hope Trialzone brake up front, Ti hardware, super dope ano green lever and master cylinder cover. Hydraulic Racing Line brakes out back, with as much matchy matchy Ti bling that I could get. Boneriffic! Those Gusset grips feel terrific. Super thin slide on grips... like raw doggin' it with your handlebars.

But it's beautiful. And look at the machined headtube. I dig the whole UFO thing goin' on, down to the Oozy pedals, it just happened to work out like that. Man. What a fuckin' build. I really outdid myself. 
Nigel Tuffnel - "Who's that in there? It's a little guy."

Now I just need to learn to throw down on it.

I figured noseatsXnomercy was the time to introduce some lesser known tunes from the Suicidal catalog. You may recognize this song from the Controlled by Hatred/Feel Like Shit Deja Vu EP. Maybe you have even wondered why that release was considered an EP. Maybe you don't care and have more important things to worry about. Anyways, read the history here, cause I'm too lazy to put it in my own words. Because sometimes I talk about art and shit, this is a good interview/retrospective on Richard Clayton, the SxTx and NxMx artist. 

Dude, if you think the SxTx version of this song rips, turn this fucker up. It makes me think of future dystopian punk rock necromancers breaking into the cyber morgue and bringing back all the corpses with green lightning. Seriously, I can see it. Mosh fodder. Grindcore bands play and rival black magic gangs battle their shambling hordes for shitty soilent beer sponsorships. The future is gonna rule.


Friday, January 15, 2021

WIP / the Current Case

Ahh... the depths of winter. Painting season. Bike parts are taking forever to arrive, and my build is starting to be a dick anyways.
The current case. Nothing earth shattering, you may have previously seen pictures of all these.

Working on a Privateer Press Dire Troll Mauler Extreme. I bought this almost 15 years ago, immediately when it came out. I was afraid it would be limited edition. You can still buy 'em, so they must have made a million by now! Beautiful sculpt. It is heavy as hell, all pewter, and I'm glad I assembled it back then. I can't remember, but that must have been a lot of work!


Skin was primarily done with the 3 colors on the left. The turquoise and magenta are mixed in with the base colors or used as a wash for some accent colors. They also mix together to form a rich purple to wash over the Vallejo Model Color Violet used for the base coat of the crystals, with magenta and ivory mixed up for highlights. The sculpt features a lot of texture already, and I have been trying to work in a lot more with fancy paintwork. Trying to up my striated muscle game, and trying to throw in some "party dots," as my boy T-dogg would say. It's gonna be a banger!

Listen to Bolt Thrower. Paint Warhams.

Sunday, January 10, 2021

Klunker Project: Fun with Coaster Brakes

And a month after ordering parts, in my grubby mitts I finally possessed the spokes, nipples, and spoke washers I needed to kludge together my klunk wheel.

This is the first wheel I have assembled in a few years, and using junked together parts for wheel building is a new experience as well. Definitely some screw ups in here, but I'll ride it. The next one will be more better.


This picture shows the wheel mounted in the Schwinn frame with a nice view of the coaster brake cooler. This part was sourced from I've read reports of these legitimately helping reduce coaster brake fade and grease burnoff. Also, look at that thing. If you look close you may see the brass spoke washers which help with spoke angle.

I engraved the coaster brake arm. It will be transferred to a non-cooled rear wheel at some point. It was a lot of work, and unfortunately not very visible right now.

I've had a lot of parts jammed up in the nightmare of the mail right now. This entire build should be finished by now, but so it goes.

Recently I found Diamond Head - Borrowed Time album on a trip to the record store, and it ended up being the find of the day for $3 on cassette. Look at that cover. Beautiful. I'm gonna have to find the original gatefold LP. Originators of the tune "Am I Evil?" popularized by none other than Metallica, I would refer to anything else they have ever done as a "deep cut." Seriously, have you ever listened to anything other than that tune?

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Fresh jams.


Got some fresh jams in the mail from Italy recently (F.O.A.D Records), and here is an artsy-fartsy photograph of them. All filler, still killer in this post, bro.

If you're into black metal/thrash, this is your shit. An Italian band that sounds like King Diamond mixed with Venom writing songs about silly viking/dnd shit. To tell the truth, I bought the album linked below, and in my world, their style on the tape kills it. I'll stick with my crossover/fastcore, personally.

Sunday, December 13, 2020

Klunker Project Part 1

I'm not usually going to go out of my way to drop a bunch of cash on a frame I don't necessarily need, but if said frame drops into my lap, well, that turd is gonna get polished. I have wanted to do a proper coaster brake klunker build for a while now, and a buddy of mine had an old Schwinn Cruiser he didnt need after he found a really nice early 80s Ross. I've also been working on some wheels, and I want to move into some proper hot rodding and start doing frame modifications. It's all too perfect, so away we go.
Here is our humble steed in the beginning, triumphantly perched on top of a parts pile. Draped across the front of my extra Radmobile like a busted Daytona stripper at the 93 Mopar Nats. She looks a little rough there, but diving in she's suprisingly clean. No rust in her guts, and check out the final picture of that hub below. I assume its a late 90s model. I'm not really sure, and I don't really care. Praise Crom she's mild steel.
Those Schwinn cruiser tires are cool, and only slightly dry rotted. Steel rim and mild steel spokes. 100% junk. I'll fix that with questionable parts choices and shoddy wrenching!
Pictured with the krusty hub is the rim I will use, and at the time of this post it is all broken down and polished. I calculated spoke length, and lo, it was a Sign. The fanciest spokes made. Four-hundred and twenty of those suckers. For about 60 bux shipped to me. Meant to be. These spokes are, for sure, a little (a lot) daintier than I prefer, and so fresh brass nips are on their way as well. I have a set of mint Araya 26 x 1.50 rims, but I may save those for a fresher build.

Here is a clean and shiny hub. A little elbow grease and she polished right up. Probably gonna break it down and run everything through the parts washer in my Pop's shop. I have some cool custom stuff coming, so stay tuned.

Here's a little somethin' complete to look at. I'll get proper pics and build specs soon! And here's some Nuge cause this shit's a ripper!

Saturday, November 28, 2020

Ol' Trouble

A few months of solid go hard and abuse took its toll, this old Azonic dirt jump machine was taken out of commission for a broken spoke mid summer. The rear wheel is definitely the weak link with this build, so I'm not suprised at this point. 

Healing a pulled muscle, along with a holiday vacation, and a weird world = turning wrenches and miniature painting. Replaced the spoke on the rear wheel, and trued both of them up.  My current obsession with moto bars and bmx grips continues to make its way onto all my builds.

I've always wanted to do a red, purple, and white build, so parts from like 4 spare bikes that have kicked around for years have come together in a cosmic clusterfuck of go hard. I think she shall be known as the Royale from here out. Consequently I would like to build a new rear wheel with a purple Hope Trials hub, but stuff. Things. Is it worth it? Thats a lot of bread.

Maxxis DTH skinwalls. 26x2.2 or something. We will see how long these tires last on this build, but I don't have much confidence. They were purchased for my classy Trek 800 (RIP), so they are light and so smooth, but I can see absolutely shredding the thin sidewalls while running high pressures and launching onto and off of things.

You may recognize these from my faithful Trek 800 (RIP).

Replaced bars with a spare set I had and flipped the stem. Don't wease my juice buddy. That's my style. Fresh cables. Trek 800 died so the Royale may be more rad. Old set of Paul levers. Classy. Yes, I have a spare purple ano stem laying around, but I didn't like the reach.

In the depths of my wintertime boredom I will switch out the chainring, I'm just not into all that nonsense right now.

A prior version of the build.

I am pretty certain this bike is the reason the cops around town try to discourage my riding in the local parks. Killed it! So Ive got that goin' for me. But seriously, I smashed this beast around town for months in the spring, and I'm still terrified at some of the lines I was hitting at that point.

I got these stickers in the mail the other day from S&M bikes. I've been eyeing them up for a while, and figured $15 for some stickers that could sell out at any time is worth it. One is on the 1x1, one is on the Lowside. The alien smoking a fattie is reserved for something special.

Before we go, here's a current jam for you. Some New Wave of British Heavy Metal, gentlepeople? Unironically, I'd recommend it for fans of Spinal Tap. Which means I still can't take it seriously. But its fuckin' wicked. I guess Manowar and Saxon may be somewhat fair comparisons, but again, I can't take that shit seriously. Also, in one Reincarnate tune they describe flying high as an albatross. The majestic... albatross. The Brits are a strange bunch.

Friday, November 13, 2020

Bianchi: It's Italian for "Stooge"

More often than not a Bianchi is found underneath a greased gooch and smuggled plums, but not this little gem. This bike has made its way in and out of my possession a few times, ridden by my Cuz, then his little duder, and now on to another good bud of mine.

I think everything on this bike is out of my parts stash. Stoke. Old school Haro Fatboy bars, some Promax levers, Gusset tensioner. That stem was on my Trek beer cruiser for years (RIP).

Mmm... look at that tire clearance. Sexy.

I live my life one trash build at a time.

Overdose - Two Wheels and Gone

 Also, here's some fresh jams. Highly recommended if you need rock and roll in your life. And who the fuck doesn't right now?