Sunday, February 8, 2015

Bikes. Lego Jake.

I frequently disappear from this blog for long periods of time. I also mention bikes from time to time, and that's probably a large reason of why I'm incommunicado. I started this post on the auspicious 1-year anniversiary of breaking myself while mountain biking. I figured I'd break it down (Heh!) and give you heaping crapload of stuff about bikes, most of which you probably don't care about. Now that it is a few weeks later, I finally finished it. Cool? Party! Hang in there. There are Legos later!

These are the current states of my rides. They are both rigid steel 26ers with rim brakes. Aluminum? Disc brakes? Big wheels? I don't need your technology.
The Trek 800 (left) is my townie/commuter/bar bike thrasher. I got her brand new in '97 or so. It isn't a rare or valuable frame, but it means a lot to me. It was like pulling teeth to get my parents to buy me a brand new Trek as a teenager. I've rebuilt almost everything. 36X16 gearing. Ritchey front wheel and tires. Gusset Open Prison dirt jump bars. Old-school BMX stem. Paul brake levers. Sugino mountain cranks, Primo pedals, and SDG saddle. She's built like a tank, and gets ridden at least 1500 miles a year. Some cool parts will be heading her way soon.

The Shredbeast Annihilator is a 2008 Surly 1x1 frame. I was stoked to find an older Surly frame on eBay, not only in my size, but in practically mint condition. For some reason there were Eddy Merckx stickers on it when it arrived. It is a mystery. I'll assume you have no idea what that means, but its pretty much like putting Ferrari stickers on a Jeep. My only complaint is it is arrrrnge, and not weed green or pepto pink. I built her from the ground up to be Jake-proof. If only I could bike proof the Jake. Geared 32x20 for Pennsyltuckey hills. Sun Rhyno Lite XL rims laced to Paul hubs. I laced the rear wheel myself. Matching Raceface cranks, chainring. 66Sick saddle. Carbon TRP brake levers. My trail ripper and Sunday driver. I'd like to post a full build log at some point, but we shall see.
I'm not really one to post pictures of myself on here, but here is a cool picture of me riding through the woods. It also gives a frame of reference in case you do not actually know me in the real world.
Now that crap is out of the way, I occassionally play with Legos. Imagine that. A grown ass man who writes a blog about playing with toy robots and little space men also plays with plastic interlocking bricks. Since shreds are a no-go on the East Coast at this time of year, I discovered I happen to have a perfect Lego me and a bicycle. Of course, being an obsessive tinkerer, I couldn't leave well enough alone, and out came my favorite sleeveless Napalm Death shirt, clippers, razor saw, files, and paints.

This is where it began. I posted the first picture on the book of faces, and aside from the fact it does very much resemble me, I recieved complaints he was not doing my pose, and his helmet is red. See that lame reflector and fender on the bike, most non-heinous. We're gonna have to do something about that.

Bring down the goddamn stars!
First you need a torso. Sand that shit down. I used Testor's sanding films. They are awesome, I've been using them for years. Then paint on it. This is not a very good tutorial, I know. I probably should have primed before I painted, but I was in a drunken fit of motivation. I also carved down the front rim of the helmet with needle files, as it obscured his (my?) eyebrows. I lightly sanded his right arm as well, as I painted on some tattoos. I will prime and paint the helmet at some point, it will be black with a Despise You sticker on the side.
You're gonna want to dig out your finest sleeveless for this.

Torso! This is the end! You can't fight back if you have no arms or legs!

Here is the bike completed. I used a razor saw and files to trim down the offending bits of the bike. It looks a lot cleaner and ready to rip. The downfall is that I removed the kickstand, so it falls over constantly now. I drilled a tiny hole in bottom of the frame so I can use .020" brass wire to hold the bike while totally shredding some gnarly tricks. I will probably paint the bike as well, probably lime green. Maybe purple.
There you have it!
Go ride!
Even Lego Jake is a dick. He can also rip a rad endo!