Klunker Project Part 1

I'm not usually going to go out of my way to drop a bunch of cash on a frame I don't necessarily need, but if said frame drops into my lap, well, that turd is gonna get polished. I have wanted to do a proper coaster brake klunker build for a while now, and a buddy of mine had an old Schwinn Cruiser he didnt need after he found a really nice early 80s Ross. I've also been working on some wheels, and I want to move into some proper hot rodding and start doing frame modifications. It's all too perfect, so away we go.

Here is our humble steed in the beginning, triumphantly perched on top of a parts pile. Draped across the front of my extra Radmobile like a busted Daytona stripper at the 93 Mopar Nats. She looks a little rough there, but diving in she's suprisingly clean. No rust in her guts, and check out the final picture of that hub below. I assume its a late 90s model. I'm not really sure, and I don't really care. Praise Crom she's mild steel.

Those Schwinn cruiser tires are cool, and only slightly dry rotted. Steel rim and mild steel spokes. 100% junk. I'll fix that with questionable parts choices and shoddy wrenching!

Pictured with the krusty hub is the rim I will use, and at the time of this post it is all broken down and polished. I calculated spoke length, and lo, it was a Sign. The fanciest spokes made. Four-hundred and twenty of those suckers. For about 60 bux shipped to me. Meant to be. These spokes are, for sure, a little (a lot) daintier than I prefer, and so fresh brass nips are on their way as well. I have a set of mint Araya 26 x 1.50 rims, but I may save those for a fresher build.

Here is a clean and shiny hub. A little elbow grease and she polished right up. Probably gonna break it down and run everything through the parts washer in my Pop's shop. I have some cool custom stuff coming, so stay tuned.

Here's a little somethin' complete to look at. I'll get proper pics and build specs soon! And here's some Nuge cause this shit's a ripper!

Ol' Trouble

A few months of solid go hard and abuse took its toll, this old Azonic dirt jump machine was taken out of commission for a broken spoke mid summer. The rear wheel is definitely the weak link with this build, so I'm not suprised at this point. 

Healing a pulled muscle, along with a holiday vacation, and a weird world = turning wrenches and miniature painting. Replaced the spoke on the rear wheel, and trued both of them up.  My current obsession with moto bars and bmx grips continues to make its way onto all my builds.

I've always wanted to do a red, purple, and white build, so parts from like 4 spare bikes that have kicked around for years have come together in a cosmic clusterfuck of go hard. I think she shall be known as the Royale from here out. Consequently I would like to build a new rear wheel with a purple Hope Trials hub, but stuff. Things. Is it worth it? Thats a lot of bread.

Maxxis DTH skinwalls. 26x2.2 or something. We will see how long these tires last on this build, but I don't have much confidence. They were purchased for my classy Trek 800 (RIP), so they are light and so smooth, but I can see absolutely shredding the thin sidewalls while running high pressures and launching onto and off of things.

You may recognize these from my faithful Trek 800 (RIP).

Replaced bars with a spare set I had and flipped the stem. Don't wease my juice buddy. That's my style. Fresh cables. Trek 800 died so the Royale may be more rad. Old set of Paul levers. Classy. Yes, I have a spare purple ano stem laying around, but I didn't like the reach.

 

In the depths of my wintertime boredom I will switch out the chainring, I'm just not into all that nonsense right now.

A prior version of the build.

I am pretty certain this bike is the reason the cops around town try to discourage my riding in the local parks. Killed it! So Ive got that goin' for me. But seriously, I smashed this beast around town for months in the spring, and I'm still terrified at some of the lines I was hitting at that point.

I got these stickers in the mail the other day from S&M bikes. I've been eyeing them up for a while, and figured $15 for some stickers that could sell out at any time is worth it. One is on the 1x1, one is on the Lowside. The alien smoking a fattie is reserved for something special.

Before we go, here's a current jam for you. Some New Wave of British Heavy Metal, gentlepeople? Unironically, I'd recommend it for fans of Spinal Tap. Which means I still can't take it seriously. But its fuckin' wicked. I guess Manowar and Saxon may be somewhat fair comparisons, but again, I can't take that shit seriously. Also, in one Reincarnate tune they describe flying high as an albatross. The majestic... albatross. The Brits are a strange bunch.

Bianchi: It's Italian for "Stooge"

More often than not a Bianchi is found underneath a greased gooch and smuggled plums, but not this little gem. This bike has made its way in and out of my possession a few times, ridden by my Cuz, then his little duder, and now on to another good bud of mine.

I think everything on this bike is out of my parts stash. Stoke. Old school Haro Fatboy bars, some Promax levers, Gusset tensioner. That stem was on my Trek beer cruiser for years (RIP).

Mmm... look at that tire clearance. Sexy.

I live my life one trash build at a time.

Overdose - Two Wheels and Gone

 Also, here's some fresh jams. Highly recommended if you need rock and roll in your life. And who the fuck doesn't right now?

You watch a vile force as they emerge from the depths...

December 2019 I Finished King Coprophal, Master of the Sludge Pits of Azgor. And lo, may we rejoice in the filth brought forth. 

While originally the tentacles were supposed to be reminiscent of roots, I think tacky aquariums and real live coral are manifesting as a big influence on this. I imagine the background stones as the exoskeletal calcium part of the coral, with the tentacles reaching out like the filter or stinging arms. I would like to sculpt one or two tiny nudibranch style creatures to add life and visual interest down below.

Also eyeballs and Cthulhu and feasting on festering faeces in the asylum of the deep dark abyss. Some assholes wrote a song about that shit one time.

 I'm real proud of his crab claw. 100% me, and definitely the coolest thing I've sculpted myself.

The base is a really nice burl plinth. Maple maybe? I bought it at an MFCA convention years ago and it's been lurking in my stash. Handmade in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. It will be beautiful after the base is finished, painted, clear coated, and the masking is finally peeled off.

I need to figure out an idea for a little more elevation for the miniature. I've been working on carving bricks and other concrete shapes from slabs of cast plaster, and I am planning to move toward more complex carved plaster detail in future projects.. Also, a second depth dweller may appear at some point if I can work things together.

 

 

 ACXDC - The Oracles of Death

Second song on this one will rip your tits off. You're welcome.

The Dirtbag Steed

So a few years ago Surly, a most excellent bicycle manufacturer of weird and uncommon bikes of all sorts, retired the frame that launched the company, the 1x1. I was kinda bummed about this, and I do actually regret not getting a pretty pretty princess pepto pink 3rd gen frame. Regardless, I've had the same orange 1x1 for a lot of years, and it's such a terrific bike.

A 1x1. I assure you, I will make all the words about it later. 

So Surly took a couple years, then mashed the 1x1 up with another model, the Instigator. This birthed the Nexus 6 of 26" singlespeed, fuckin' a steel frames. They created...

The Lowside. 

 

And it was... well, not really good. I have been having a lot of teething problems. 

I bought this toward the end of the first production year, because I didn't expect it would make it to a second. I normally would have preferred to start from a frame only, but the wheels are Boost 26+. Super common, right? If you are not a bike person, they are not common. I figured it would be worth it to just buy a complete bike for those wheels alone, and then have extra parts. 

I was not impressed with the stock build, and I think Surly remedied that with later releases. Suprisingly I won't bitch about it now, but I think the wheels and headset are the only pieces left stock. I'm cool with the dropper routing, but really, Surly? A deraileur hangar? I rather would have had proper braze ons for the dropper than violate the sanctity of my singlespeed rage. No gears. No mercy. 

This bike has the great distinction of flat out rocking me twice already. It definitely draws you out and encourages you to push the limits. Or she may just hate me. Much like that dude from the Led Zeppelin albums, I flew too close to the sun, then choked on my own vomit. Hah. Nah, I mean Icarus, and yes, I plummeted back to Earth. 

Victim of a bitched landing. I liked these saddles. A clever bike dork may have noticed a significantly toasted version of this on that arrrrnge 1x1 up top. 

They aren't great stories, which is often the case with the bad crashes. I'm usually festive and jovial about the harsh reality of  embracing sweet lady dirt, but these really hurt. I actually took a day off work for the second one. 

First time I dedicated too late and biffed the landing on a tabletop. I think if I hadn't hesitated I would have been fine. The other one I was just making my second run of the day on a short little section I've ridden at least a hundred times and just went too hard too fast. Brutal. But crashing is cool, and I hear chicks dig scars. 

So a quick breakdown on parts and setup:

Cockpit: 

Deity bars and stem. Cut down about 20mm on each side. High rise, and there is not a lot of stack. It feels perfect after I cut the bars. I tore up my pinkie knuckles more than once with those wide bars. 

Demolition grips in purple swirl. I didn't really ride these til today, and til now I thought the circular pattern may be annoying. Wrong. Way comfy, sick colors, and circa 2003 Hatebreed graphics. Into it. Bmx grips win. Like rawdoggin' your bars without those clamps getting in the way of the feel. 

Paul levers. Smooth. Pretty. My first purple part of the build. 

Drivetrain:

Raceface Atlas cranks. I guess these have a aluminum spindle. I put my trust in steel. 30mm bottom bracket. At least it is threaded.

Blackspire 32t ring. Narrow wide. Thumbs down for singlespeeding, but it's a search to find proper rings these days. 

20t steel Surly cog. Crom. 

Those Deity pedals look snazzy but I'll destroy the hell out of them by October. Kmc chain. I don't know why there are other brands. 

Brakes, dropper, whatever:

Spoon saddle. Poor 66sick seat. It lived such a short life. Fortunately I got it on closeout. 

Fox Transfer dropper in Kashima coat. Raises pinkie high. I may be a dirtbag, but my girls get the best. 

Brakes are mechanical. TRP Spyke with Hope rotors. More bling. 

Maxxis tires. DHR and DHF 26+. The good stuff with light casing, tear protection, 3 tire compounds. Whatever else Maxxis made up to sound more better. The wheels are no name hubs with Alex rims. I'll build a fancy set someday,  but that is expensive. 

Brought to you by Rocky Ridge park in York,PA and Houses of the Holy. 

Genogeist - S/T

I recently saw a post from the label/distro Splattered Records mentioning a Portland area stenchcore band with a killer release. Well, I was sold right there. I love that Pacific Northwest style. Steeped in crusty buds and sludgy suds.

Anyways, check out the label, it's run by a dude from Denver who worked at the record shop Wax Trax and fronted a little band called Speedwolf. They are most excellent, and you should listen to them.  He has good taste and releases some cool shit.

Top right is my mix-masher, an old Yamaha 4 track I use for mix tapes. 

Man, those crusties sure know how to put together a complete album. I didn't listen to this before I bought it, but look at that packaging. Even if I found a couple good tunes but wasn't blown away, I would still say it was worth it. Fortunately that is not the case, and I am pretty stoked on this album. 

I partially attribute the awesome and extravagant packaging to them being artsy fartsy Portlanders (nothing wrong with that), but you can also obviously see (and hear) their love for classic crust albums and art. I really get less stenchcore from Genogeist, which I consider to be Stormcrow/Dystopia type Oakland Bay Area stuff, and more along the lines of Nausea/ Doom apocalypse punk. There is definitely a solid slab of fellow PDxers Hellshock mixed in. I wouldn't be suprised if there was some crossover between the bands, but I don't really give a shit to look it up.

A standout tune is Dataslave, which features a sick Extortion style speedcore riff that pops up throughout the song and blows my mind every time.

This is definitely the kind of music that puts me in the mood to work on some Necromu da or post-apocalyptic style minis.  I just find the music so evocative of a dystopian cyber punk existence. It's funny,  because in my limited research, thats how they describe the album. My first listen I didn't get it, but after I've made it through a few times, Fuckin' a. They nailed it. I imagine hanging out listening to it in my Necromunda gang clubhouse while cleaning my stubber, or going to see it in some Blade Runner-esque rock and roll club. Definitely got some ideas brewing for a Rogue Trader style piece I've been thinking about for a while. 

I highly recommend picking up a copy of this album while it is still available, or giving it a search and listening to it. 

If you can't get it at Splattered,  it is released by Black Water Records. Looking into it, I definitely need to put in an order there sometime, but that's a slippery slope!

RT-era Leman Russ WIPs

I've been trying to keep myself motivated in paint world by finishing up something that's been on my table for a while. It is good  justification to paint or work on something new afterward. Also, I crashed hard and I forsee at least another week of no-go-hard. What do they say? Ride like lightning. Crash like thunder. Well, I did it again, man, and it makes me feel like I'm getting old.

This time back on the bench is a pretty rare Leman Russ mini. I picked up duder years ago, NOS in package with his wolves and backpack. Way stoked to dig into a piece of mint classic lead to make it unique. The axe is a conversion from an old reaper weapons pack, with a plastic wolf tail stuck on. Cork rocks, and a piece of plaster carved to look like a rune stone.

Russ came with a special wolf backpack with a cape, a pelt, and a banner pole. Hat trick. I bet it is probably the valuable piece of the mini in lead-head land. I love me some heraldry and intense nerd flags, so enjoy some doodles from my sketch book.

A pretty solid idea of where I'd like go with the Russ banner. I must have been deep in a Despise You kick at this point. Just kidding. I'm always on a DxYx kick. 

I am going to try to bring in some of that first Chapter Approved style with his banner. Some reference pictures from a copy of that very tome. Pretty cool, huh?

Until next time, keep the rubber side down and do as I say, not as I do. That's pretty solid advice right there given my current condition.